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Revision as of 15:52, 20 July 2015


Prologue by HTML5 UP

We are the Harvard iGEM team of 2015.
It's been an interesting summer together...

A real description will be added eventually... until then...

PICTURES

The Students

Ethan

ATLANTA—Casually holding the drink between her index finger and thumb, a Delta Airlines flight attendant is at this moment trying to pass a cup of cranberry juice over your laptop, sources aboard the aircraft have confirmed. The plastic receptacle, which is filled nearly to the brim and rippling due to mild turbulence, is reportedly being extended across your expensive and relatively new laptop in the direction of the person seated next to you, who is currently nodding off and unaware his beverage has arrived. As the flight attendant leans in, dangling the juice above the computer containing work files and family photos you have not backed up anywhere else, witnesses are reporting that a passenger two seats behind you is trying to squeeze by both her and the beverage cart. Sources added that all of this is happening as the plane speeds at 500 miles per hour 40,000 feet above the earth. At press time, the person next to you was seen attempting to accept the drink and pass back a credit card with the same hand. -The Onion


Lydia
WASHINGTON—Declaring that this is the last time they ever hope to speak of the aggravatingly enigmatic substance, astronomers from NASA announced Thursday that they are just going to go ahead and say that dark matter is nitrogen. “Look, nitrogen is a pretty stable element that’s fairly inert, so we’re ready to just come out and say that’s probably what makes up about 85 percent of the matter in our universe and finally move on,” said Dr. Louis Marshall at a morning press conference, adding that, after spending millions of dollars and countless hours over the past eight decades trying to solve its mysteries, scientists are “completely fucking finished” with the astronomical phenomenon. “It’s a nice odorless gas that’s plentiful in our atmosphere and our galaxy, and that’s good enough for us. So there, we figured it out. Any questions?” Before walking away from the lectern, an exhausted Marshall added that dark energy was gravity and that the formula for a grand unified theory was E=10.-The Onion

Elizabeth
WESTON, CT—Visibly shocked and repulsed by her own behavior as she sat questioning the type of person she is deep down, unsettled 2-year-old Ellie Ritter admitted to reporters that she had no idea what compelled her to bite her friend on the face Thursday. “I honestly don’t know what came over me. I know Jacob took the train I was playing with, but I usually handle that kind of thing okay—but this time I...I bit him,” said a shaken and bewildered Ritter, sitting wide-eyed on a floor mat at her daycare as she vehemently asserted that she had no prior knowledge of this dark, disturbing place within her. “I mean, this is Jacob we’re talking about. He’s my friend, my playmate. And I just went straight for his forehead like an animal. Jesus, what is wrong with me?” At press time, the unnerved toddler was staring uneasily down at her trembling, fingerpaint-covered hands and contemplating what other horrors she was capable of. -The Onion

Sylvia
GRAND JUNCTION, CO—Explaining that the adjustment made the most practical sense for all parties involved, local parents Beth and Ryan Morgan held a press conference Friday morning to announce the official transfer of expectations from their oldest child, Jeremy, to his younger sibling, Angie. “After a careful analysis of our prospective returns, we have opted to reassign all of our hopes and dreams for the future from our firstborn to our second child, effective as of 9 a.m. this morning,” said Beth Morgan, who claimed that their 16-year-old son’s inadequate progress in areas such as effective decision-making and academic achievement were the catalyst for his removal as the recipient of their emotional investment. “While we thank Jeremy for his years as the primary bearer of our expectations, in the long run we feel Angie is the right choice to attain professional success and relationship stability, give us grandchildren, and ultimately, provide us the parental satisfaction we have been looking for.” The Morgans added that although they no longer retain any stake in Jeremy’s future, he will be kept on for several years to serve as an example to Angie to deter any potential waste of resources. -The Onion

Ben
NEW YORK—Following an evening of heavy drinking at local bar McGuire’s Tavern, 32-year-old Peter Larsen reportedly awoke with a hangover Wednesday and was horrified to discover he had made dozens of plans the previous night. “Oh, God, I can’t believe I said I’d get lunch with Emily and told Scott that I’d hang out next weekend,” said Larsen, rubbing his temples and lamenting that he never should have let himself get so out of control and recklessly commit to numerous social obligations. “I just hope I didn’t say anything stupid to someone from work about how I’d love to catch the new Fantastic Four with them when it comes out. It’s bad enough that I kept going on and on to Jeff about going on a camping trip together in August.” At press time, Larsen had reportedly resolved that in the future, he would stop drinking as soon as he noticed himself beginning to talk loudly about going in together on a beach house rental on Long Island. -The Onion

Advisors and Mentors

Neel

Neel Joshi

Super Awesome Advisor

Though all the fates should prove unkind, Leave not your native land behind. The ship, becalmed, at length stands still; The steed must rest beneath the hill; But swiftly still our fortunes pace To find us out in every place. The vessel, though her masts be firm, Beneath her copper bears a worm; Around the cape, across the line, Till fields of ice her course confine; It matters not how smooth the breeze, How shallow or how deep the seas, Whether she bears Manilla twine, Or in her hold Madeira wine, Or China teas, or Spanish hides, In port or quarantine she rides; Far from New England's blustering shore, New England's worm her hulk shall bore, And sink her in the Indian seas, Twine, wine, and hides, and China teas. -Henry David Thoreau


Chris

Chris Wintersinger

The Mentor Who Got Stuck With Us

A bird came down the walk: He did not know I saw; He bit an angle-worm in halves And ate the fellow, raw. And then he drank a dew From a convenient grass, And then hopped sidewise to the wall To let a beetle pass. He glanced with rapid eyes That hurried all abroad,-- They looked like frightened beads, I thought; He stirred his velvet head Like one in danger; cautious, I offered him a crumb, And he unrolled his feathers And rowed him softer home Than oars divide the ocean, Too silver for a seam, Or butterflies, off banks of noon, Leap, plashless, as they swim. -Emily Dickinson


Isaac

Isaac Plant

The Mentor

From childhood's hour I have not been As others were; I have not seen As others saw; I could not bring My passions from a common spring. From the same source I have not taken My sorrow; I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone; And all I loved, I loved alone. Then- in my childhood, in the dawn Of a most stormy life- was drawn From every depth of good and ill The mystery which binds me still: From the torrent, or the fountain, From the red cliff of the mountain, From the sun that round me rolled In its autumn tint of gold, From the lightning in the sky As it passed me flying by, From the thunder and the storm, And the cloud that took the form (When the rest of Heaven was blue) Of a demon in my view. -Edgar Allen Poe


Marika

Marika Ziesack

The Mentor Who is in the Land Above

Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction ice Is also great And would suffice. -Robert Frost


Matt

Matthew Niederhuber

The Mentor with the Graphic Skillz

I shot an arrow into the air, It fell to earth, I knew not where; For, so swiftly it flew, the sight Could not follow it in its flight. I breathed a song into the air, It fell to earth, I knew not where; For who has sight so keen and strong, That it can follow the flight of song? Long, long afterward, in an oak I found the arrow, still unbroke; And the song, from beginning to end, I found again in the heart of a friend. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow